Love always begins well but can turn choppy in an instant. With Valentine’s Day less than one month away, does Money help or hurt a relationship? The real key is not how much money one has; instead it’s how much debt.

Debt is a squall storm that will turn the happiest of couples into miserable, raging people instead of the happy go-lucky smooth sailing “perfect pair.”  Romance may temporarily financially blind most, but once they get serious about their relationship, they will open their eyes and assess how well they are going to be able to sail their lives together. Many relationships sink prematurely just because of the financial problems of one or both of the partners. Most people are reluctant to accept the debts of their partners for many reasons. And this very knowledge makes the other person hide their actual financial situation from their loved ones for fear of being “found out” and breaking up.

The culprit in ruining relationships is not debt alone. Trust and a breach of trust is the deal breaker. The strength of your trust is more important than the money you owe creditors. Don’t lie about your financial situation or how much debt or taxes you owe. You needn’t talk about it on your first few dates either. But communication has a major role to play in a healthy relationship. Sooner rather than later, be clear and transparent to one another. Nothing should stop you from disclosing something you want your life partner to know.

Once you live together or get married, there is not much you can hide from each other. One day or the other, he or she will know the truth. So being truthful to each other will save you from an embarrassing moment later in your life. Use the following four secrets to help ensure your successful long term romance:

1. Reviewing Credit Scores and Reports: If you are living together or going steady with someone for quite some time and all of a sudden you come to know that your partner owes a huge sum of money, it could harm your relationship. Although you will not be legally responsible for debts like credit card debt or student’s loans as they are considered the responsibility of that person alone; it still distracts from the joy of romance. Get an updated credit report and a list of assets for both of you and review these together. They are totally free and easy to obtain.

2. Knowing what you owe and own: At the same time, it’s good to know how much the other person owes so that you can avoid unpleasant surprises when you try to get a joint loan for a home or a car. You should know what your partner owns. Sit down and make a simple inventory list of assets and liabilities. This will give you both a clear idea of your present financial circumstances.

3. Get A Budget and Assign Expenses: Talking about finance may not look very romantic while your relationship is in a budding stage. But if both of you have your own sources of income, it’s better to come to an understanding on how you want to spend your earnings way before you take the marriage plunge. In addition to your incomes and earnings you should also discuss sharing bills and expenses. You can either divide equally all the possible expenditure you will have to deal with in future when you start living together or decide on who is going to pay the bills and who will handle the savings for the common necessities like children’s education, down payment for a home, vacations and so on.

4. Get a CPA and Compare income tax returns: Income tax is not just a fine imposed for reckless spending. You two will be filing joint tax returns after you’re married. A CPA can analyze your previous individual tax returns and help create a strategy to minimize your future income taxes. Setting up an IRA or ROTH IRA and fully utilizing 401k or 403b plans available to you through your employer are almost always very wise choices. You never want to get behind with the IRS.

It also greatly helps if you two can openly discuss your dreams and aspirations, financial ambitions and personal ideas and plans to achieve them. If you’re both unsure, seek out the help of professional financial planners or budget coaches. Search the internet for resources on self help books and support groups. Ask you friends and relatives who they use to help them with their financial planning. It’s usually best to get a local “fee based” professional; as they will tend to be unbiased and not pushy to sell you anything. Then schedule a reoccurring meeting with them; quarterly or even monthly in the beginning will help you get started and stay on track.

Love is blind but you don’t have to be. XOXO